Exhausted

"Long-life learner who tries to find the best version of herself" 

Time flies. It has been more than two years since I’m being a university student. I’ve learned many things, I’ve met many people, and I’ve known the university of life. Sometimes, I feel that I’m one of the luckiest girls in the world. I don’t know why. Maybe cause I have changed a lot. I’m stronger and bolder than before. I’ve managed many things. But honestly, it’s not as beautiful as imagined. Sometimes definitely most of the time I feel exhausted. It’s so funny how one obstacle in your life could seem so trivial to some people but to you, it’s a big and impassable roadblock and it can’t seem to conquer and unachievable. I know and I realize every human has different mind, different ability. I have to read every page as detailed as I can, literally I have to repeat it as much as I can. It reminds me when the first time I’m being a chemistry student and then I don’t know what I have to do. I didn’t understand chemistry at all. Literally I don’t know what is chemistry like and I don’t care about it cause when I’m in senior high school, I’m just busy scribbling my paper, I almost never passed during the chemistry test and I promised to myself I will not take anything major that related to chemistry cause I really really really hate with this subject. When the first time I got an assignment which is to criticize the journal from my lecture, I really stressed and I’ve cried silently alone in the middle of the midnight, and there’s no one know that (maybe after I post it some people will know the truth).

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I’m a girl who wanna do something with my way, who wanna write with my thoughts, who wanna try to live in a different world, who wanna try to balance many things, who wanna give positive vibes and positive mind to another. But in reality, it’s not as easy. Many people who close to me, just because they want something from me. I don’t know why and what it is. I’ve tried to keep positive thinking but the reality tells me the truth. Despite, I’m an introvert person. So introvert. Cause I found some people like that (close cause they wanna something), it sometimes made me hate human and I didn’t wanna meet people. Sometimes, I’ve tried to predict why did it happen. Is it because I have a different mind with them?, is it because I offend them? or is it because I don’t like to have fun and spend my money on something that is not important? I don’t know why. I just wanna try to say the truth, wanna help them, wanna give positive vibes and honestly I can’t say it with feeling and finer words. I only say the truth and sometimes with rant cause I’m a strict person. So yeah, I know what life’s look like. Some people only look from the outside. Again, I’m exhausted but I said to myself to face reality, keep on the road and stop being such a baby. Although the reality is very exhausted I’m sure, there are still many things that I don’t have reason to not have an unbreakable smile.